I want to visit Africa.
I want to read/understand/refute Kant, Hegel, and Sartre.
I want to write a novel. Not just any novel, but a novel that changes the way people think about the world they live in and the people they meet every day.
I want to understand the finer points of theology.
I want to be respected by my peers.
I want to feel awake and alive throughout the day instead of feeling like I am drudging through work and relationships.
But what do I need to do? What can I do?
Besides what I want to do, my life has mounting responsibilities. Like it or not, the responsibilities of manhood in this world are beginning to demand action. Yet I already have Increasing regrets and mistakes piling up in the back of my mind. I do not have good records of maintaining long friendships or commitments, and that scares me because I fear losing the ones I do have now. Or I fear losing myself amidst those commitments. Sometimes my life feels like a web full of inordinate hopes, ever whispering failures, and demanding responsibilities. The end result is I just feel tangled. Sometimes I feel totally inept at doing life.
There are an innumerable amount of ways to criticize and deconstruct myself from what I have just said. But I'm not sure looking at myself anymore is even helpful
One of the few great Kings of the Old Testament, Jehoshaphat, has a story that vastly surpasses my given story but may be of some great help.
Jehoshaphat was a king of Judah. I'm sure he and all of Judah had hopes. I'm sure they wanted to see their land to bring forth great food so they could feast! They probably wanted to own the respect of all the great nations surrounding them. But Judah also had a bad history, Jehoshaphat was one in a line of kings who were mostly wicked. Judah and Israel had failed to follow God and failed to do the right thing over and over again. Amidst all of their hopes and failures the responsibilities were mounting. In 2 Chronicles 20 we see that "A great multitude" of enemies was coming to destroy Judah. Everything was about to be taken away. This was a time that demanded action. Yet Jehoshaphat was afraid. I can understand this.
Do you ever feel like this is you? Do you ever feel like everything you hope for is about to crumble away forever? Does your past history ever come back to accuse you? Do the demands of society ever feel like more than you can handle? I know I feel like that sometimes.
But what does Jehoshaphat do? He could try to pull Judah up by its bootsraps. He could give them the pre-game huddle. He could tell Judah this was it's moment to really prove its mettle to all the nations. In pop self-help language, he could make the most of this opportunity. But that's not what Jehoshaphat does.
He goes and he stands before all of Judah and Jerusalem, before everyone who expects something from him, before everyone who has been let down by him, before everyone who hopes in him. He stands there and he prays "O our God, will you not execute judgement on them? For we are powerless against this great horde that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you."
Think about that prayer. Think about how broken that prayer is. Think about the fact that Jehoshaphat probably feels pressure from every possible angle to perform and make Judah succeed. But he comes broken, he comes honest, and he comes before God.
Then God raised up the prophet Jahaziel, who sends this message to Judah: "Do not be afraid, and do not be dismayed at this great horde, for the battle is not yours but God's... You will not need to fight in this battle. Stand firm, hold your position, and see the salvation of the Lord on your behalf."
The next day the Lord saved Judah.
We stand before the Lord with all of our hopes, failures, fears, and responsibilities, and God says "this battle is not yours but mine. I am more than all your hopes, bigger than your fears, more powerful than the voice of you failures, and will act on your behalf."
Around 900 years after Jehoshaphat, Jesus the Son of God hung on a cross, fighting the battle for us. Three days later he was resurrected, having secured a new name, hope, and life for his people.
"The battle is not yours but God's"
